This is me

Ok, this is not me. She is my ideal me, my doppelganger and cyber sentinel.

Three years ago I, Lezlie Hall, went looking for myself in a search engine. I've been stalked in real life so I don't participate in social media, publish anything online with my real name and my friends know not to post images of me with my name on their websites, blogs and social networks. I've accepted the reality that information about me will never be completely private but I patrol my online presence from time to time to see if it's easy for someone with limited computer skills and interest, like myself, to find me.

On my rounds three years ago, instead of finding a breadcrumb trail of financial information and vacation pictures I found her, Leslie Hall.

On the surface, we share some things, she and I. Our names for one (but for that errant letter). Where we come from (the midwest) for another. Being blonde. Wearing glasses. Being makers of sensual things. Taking a robust pleasure in sci-fi, fantasy, zombies, big hair, shiny pants, cats of every kind and hip hop.

But while I live in hiding from my stalker, pissed off, having lost my sense of humor long long ago and, with it, my desire to be seen/watched by anyone, even friends, this ideal me lives out loud, on line, on the radio, on stage, in the brightest, tightest glittery pants and bespangled sweaters she can create. This makes us, at the base of things, as dissimilar as two blonde women from the midwest with the same name can be.

I've never met her, I don't know her but seeking myself and following her lead me to new media, to a part of myself I had only previously, privately suspected could be possible and, ultimately, to this class.